Why do I really do what I do?
2026-02-01
Examining my real why
Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” idea has stuck with me since I first watched his TEDx talk several years ago. But recently, while wrapping up my Cornell Engineering Leadership program, I’ve started asking a different version of that question: “Why do I really do what I do?”
I used to think my “Why” for speaking up or fixing things was always “High Standards” or “Passion.”
After a lot of self-reflection, I realized that sometimes, my “Real Why” was anxiety. I wasn’t trying to fix the code; I was trying to fix my internal state. I was trying to regulate my nervous system by controlling my environment.
I’ve learned that I need to have a regulated nervous system to make high-quality decisions. Before I can assess if something needs to be “fixed,” I need to start by assessing my internal state.
To determine if my “Why” is strategic or just reactive, I’ve built a personal pre-flight checklist—an Internal API Gateway—that I run before I deploy any major action.
1. Somatic Check-In
Why do I want to say or do this right now? If the answer feels like Urgency—a tight chest or a rush to be “heard”—then my “Real Why” is regulation, not contribution. If I feel urgent, I wait.
2. Motive
Am I trying to solve a genuine technical problem (Contribution), or am I trying to prove my value to the room (Validation)? I cannot solve an internal hunger for validation with an external work project. If my “Real Why” is something like “I need them to see that I’m right,” then I’m likely focusing in the wrong area.
3. Responsibility
In Adlerian psychology, everyone has specific tasks they are responsible for. Trying to control a task that belongs to someone else results in relationship problems. Just as a parent shouldn’t do their child’s homework, I shouldn’t do my peer’s work.
If what I’m proposing is me taking control of someone else’s task, that is an indication I’m overstepping.
4. Credibility
I’m guilty of studying an idea and thinking I’m an expert simply because I’ve intellectualized the core concepts. But knowing something intellectually is vastly different than applying that knowledge over decades.
When I’m proposing an idea, I now ask myself: Am I speaking from a place of credibility? If I’ve just read a book and I’m proposing an idea as an expert, I need to slow down.
The Result?
I have a tendency to take up more than my fair share of time speaking in meetings. These 4 points are the most common reasons behind that tendency.
By pausing and reflecting on why I am really doing what I’m doing, I’ve noticed that I give more space for other people’s ideas—and my own contributions are much more impactful.
Original LinkedIn post.